This is going to be a difficult post to write. We all grow up with “stuff”. I don’t think things in my past were any harder or easier than anybody else’s. However, your experiences and the people around you can’t help but impact the way you trust and the way you build and maintain relationships. I have realized today that shielding yourself so fiercely from somebody or something negative might also cause you to shield yourself from people and experiences that could be really wonderful. I am not really a good relationship maintainer. I am friendly and I love people, but I’m not a great “truster”. I sort of figure that eventually everybody is going to let you down, so I don’t give many people the opportunity to do that. I’ve decided to change that. I’ve decided that maybe I should try to build some relationships that are right there waiting to be built…almost begging to built. That maybe taking a chance will open up that part of me that makes me stand just a little too far from campfire to get really warm because I’m a little afraid that a spark is gonna set me on fire. This is by far the most personal post I’ve written and it is a little weird to throw it out for anybody to read….or at least the 5 people who actually read my blog! But it is definitely the best thing I did today. Maybe it will be the best thing I’ve ever done. I won’t know if I don’t give it a shot.
I completely understand how you feel! Every time I go to my Mother's house I get to play the piano again- I'm not as fantastic as I used to be, but still fairly decent. I've been to State a couple times for piano- I was really good. It was the one thing I had to give up when I moved to Daddy's house, it's the one thing in life I regret (having to give up piano). But every time I sit down at the bench it all seems to come back to me and it's the best feeling in the world- like I'm the only one in the world, just me and my music.
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